loitering in the loo

something no one told me about pregnancy...your toilet paper consumption will go up massively. i guess i can see why this had not been mentioned to me before. it's certainly not very romantic. i am finding that can be said about most of my pregnancy revelations. to be totally honest, i am beginning to be bored by the whole thing. so, ya, back to the first thing i said--my toilet paper bill has gotten a lot bigger and i feel like i am buying comode papel in military proportions. seriously, i am peeing like every 20 minutes. hey now! that's not sexy or fun! no. it. is. not.

every preggo pregger expects her freedom to be a bit pinched with the arrival of a new baby (why does everyone say new baby, are there old babies being born?) but, what i did not expect is for my freedom to be reduced by the increasing need to be tethered to a bathroom. i took my current baby (mika the boxer) to the dog park today and she was having a BIG time! but, we had to cut our adventure short because, yesh, i had to leave to go pee!!!

my pride has finally diminished enough for me to just leave stacks of toilet paper in the bathroom at all times, instead of restocking with one or two rolls occassionally like normal people. a couple of days ago i plopped a pack of 4 rolls on the bathroom counter and thought to myself, 'that oughta last a while.' false. i am deciding right now to just roll with it. uh, pun intended. ha ha! forget corny dad jokes, mom jokes are my new gig.

trouser snakes

if you're having a baby boy, you might feel relieved that you will only have to worry about one penis. sure, it will be messy when you're teaching him how to aim, and it may be awkward when you have to tell him not to run around holding it and pointing it like a gun. but--if you're having a baby girl, panic sets in because you will have to worry about all the penises. in the world. all of them! ahhhhhhh!

we found out we are having a baby girl, which we are of course very excited about. we don't care about gender, but just want a healthy baby, blah blah blah, that whole bit. ; ) she will be sooooo cute, and probably very sassy...if mom and dad are any indication. pretty much immediately though, aaron started to fret about protecting his lil girl.

she's not even here yet, but he is worrying about, you guessed it, all the pee-pees and ding-dongs in the world. his fatherly instincts are kicking in and he is prepared to protect her from any and all threats, including all those unruly peckers out there. (at least that's what i think he means when he says he's going to lock her up in the basement until she's 25).

baby girl krueger is going to grow up in a house where daddy knows best, daddy protects her, daddy takes her on dates, and daddy greets all the boys with a tour of his weapons and a speech about how he's not afraid of prison. regardless of what she thinks at the time, she will one day realize she is lucky to have a protective and vigilant father.

i know this because i am having the very same realization right about now! thank you daddy!

old lady names for babays

"i'm so crafty i make people." love it! i might be "making" the baby, but apparently that does not mean i get to name her whatever i want...

oh yea, the husband gets to help name the baby too. well, of course! this does, however, pose some serious threats to my 'old lady names for babies list.' my carefully constructed list of baby names was mocked and quickly vetoed by my sweet husband.

okay, i love old lady names, so what? i think these names are all beautiful. aaron likes one, maybe two, of them. i can't wait to see the list he comes up with.  ;  )

old lady names for babays

darla

blanche

margo/margeaux

georgianna

faye

matilda

vivian/vivienne

pearl

astrid

freya

ingrid

katya

malina

anika

sonja (queen of norway, ya!)

frances

sylvia/sylvie

audrey

gisela

priscilla

now, aren't these names just precious?! well, let's just say it's a good thing name hunting is so fun for me, because it is definitely back to the drawing board, er, google. send me your suggestions if you feel so inclined!

26 and pregnant

moms have kids. ummm, i'm just a chick. i have always thought to my self in my little self brain, that parents have kids--you know, grownups, adults, people in my mom and dad's cohort. although i am a real live, bonafide adult by definition, i still feel very young and girlish. which leads me to my next point...

i am just now beginning to fathom the meaning of "16 and pregnant." o the horror! i feel just barely old enough to have a baby, and i am a FULL DECADE older than those poor girls on mtv's leading birth control show. seriously, the show 16 and pregnant should be shown to all teenagers as a scare tactic. it's a reality show about 16-year-olds having babies, and that reality is not a pretty one.

so ya, i guess this means i am more of an adult than i had previously thought. i mean, i have been married for several years, have a bachelor's degree, pay taxes, annnd i rock at budgeting, grocery shopping, laundry, yardwork, and sending holiday cards. whoa! when did i become so responsible*?

*not too mature though. i still love me some hardcore underground canadian hip hop, going to the bathroom with the door open, ruining my appetite with dessert before dinner, and sneaking beer into movie theaters.

let's overreact about pregnancy

let's overreact about pregnancy together...with a generous side of humor! (okay, mostly humor. i like to fancy myself a pretty funny gal ; )

so, yes, this blog is my attempt at finding the humor in the weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. pregnancy. holy crap.

how can something that millions, nay, billions of people go through be so strange and seemingly out of the ordinary?

...what the what!

my first response was to overreact. a little hyperventilating, some crying, a lot of cursing.

five months in and the whole thing still feels fake, but i am beginning to adjust and get excited. mostly, i have just come to the realization that i am not special or extraordinary and billions of women have 'been there, done that.' most of them probably with a zero pain medication! ahhhhhh! and that, my friends, is truly the stuff of nightmares. epidural AHOY!