i regret this post already

(ignore all the hyperlinks. i didn't make them and can't figure out how to disable them. stoopid spammers!)

how hard can it really be? caring for a newborn? if you already have kids, then this brash statement is likely hilarious to you. well! i have heard a whole lot of complaining and belly-aching about how much work a newborn is. i mean, i'm only having ONE baybie after all! 8 or them, or even just twins, sounds a lot like this picture looks: horrible, nightmarish!

seriously though, how hard can one baby really be? laugh all you want! i have decided it will be no big deal. i'm not sucumbing to the idea that having a new baby is exhausting, stressful, or horrible. it will be pure joy! that's what i'm deciding going with.

this woman decided caring for a baby ain't no thang,

and she'd better up the difficulty level.

i hear babies like to be held a lot. no problemo. i'm gonna hold the crap outta that baby. i can't wait to hold her! i don't want to put her down. i might have trouble letting others hold her. someone better get me a shirt that says 'runs with scissors and does not share well with others.' i promise i try!

see, a kitteh can do it...can't be that hard. while i'm at it... sticking my foot in my mouth that is, i'm going to throw down this little list i've been making for a while. i'm sure we'll all get a massive laugh out of this one day, but hey--here's to great great great expectations! ; )

My child will not*:

• Wear CROCS. !!!
• Argue with adults
• Get away with manipulating behavior
• Get away with sassy, smart-ass behavior
• Get out of punishment early
• Think they are better than other people
• Divide and conquer their parents
• Be part of a democracy
• Have the world revolve around them
• Get away with shenanigans!

*ahahaahahahaha you say! yes is the answer to your question. i did read what i just wrote. AND, i am aware it is preposterous.

My child will*:

• Learn it is okay to be disappointed
• Understand that life is not fair
• Become comfortable with discomfort
• Learn the importance of humility
• Say "thank you for telling me"
• Look people in the eyes
• Shake peoples' hands and say "nice to meet you"
• Respect others' personal space
• Be calm and quiet in other peoples' homes
• Behave well in public

*again, aware of level of unrealistic expectations. ; )

that's not too much to ask for now, is it? ha ha you say! it is so easy for me to sit here and think about how easy this whole baby/child thing is going to be. living in la la land up in my blonde head is definitely getting me through pregnancy without all the panic. somehow i have a feeling this all won't be a big slice a cake, but i am determined not to let it rock my boat!  i see you one temper tantrum and raise you two boobies! bring on the baby.

baby name fail

"first world problem" is a phrase my brother morgan recently started using. i love it and have decided to welcome it permanently into my vocabulary. examples of third world problems include drought, famine, and civil unrest. an example of a first world problem is your car heat taking 5 minutes to warm up when your destination is only 4 minutes away (morgan).

pegging a 'problem' as a first world problem drastically reduces it's validity and urgency, and instantly puts it into perspective. today's first world problem is the simple fact that i have used up many a favorite baby name on my pets over the years. and...i am a PET PERSON. i've had muy mucho pets, including, but not limited to ; ) dogs, cats, rabbits, horses, lizards, a tortoise, a turtle, snakes, frogs, chickens, and of course, let's not forget the meal worm breeding situation. and i have LOVED naming everything that is capable of loving me in return, or at least decent at appearing to reciprocate my affection. : )

grandma sasha was an old, homeless, black cat i rescued from a wretched winter. she turned out to be totally and utterly cray cray crazy, but drop the 'grandma' and SASHA is a pretty nice name. good enough even for our most stylish first family.

not a relevant picture, but i have been trying to find a way to use it because it makes me laugh out loud.

MIKA, LUCY, and LENA are all lovely baby girl names...that are forever tarnished as family dog names. sure, we could probably use one of these names, but try explaining to your child why they were named after a furry someone with no thumbs.




then there are the thoughtful people who exclaim with great joy, "that's my dog's name!" when you mention a baby name you're considering. awesome! thank you for that.

if your life is low on problems, even first world problems, you can easily introduce some into your baby's life. by, let's say, oh i don't know, giving him or her a name anything like these:

okay, so those are probably jokes, but my very favorite eccentric baby names, even better than the newly introduced blue ivy carter, are the names jamie oliver has chosen for his children...dun...dun...dun...Buddy Bear Maurice, Petal Blossom Rainbow, Daisy Boo Pamela and Poppy Honey Rosie. i'll just let those sink in with you for a moment. i do love the sweet, cuteness of them, but they are a tad on the sugary and kitschy side. love it though!

searching for the perfect name for your baby is super fun. the end.

just for fun ; )